Momsaver by gary-2
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Thou Shalt Live Fatly In Thy Land
I found some gray hairs in my temple this morning. My wife said not to worry because the Bible says it's a sign of Wisdom..."A Crown of Splendor." Let me get this straight: The world says to get rid of my gray. But the Bible celebrates it?
Based on this concept, I was up all evening pouring over the scriptures desperately to see what positive spiritual attributes I could find there about love handles. I didn't find anything. I kept looking for passages about arrows or spears being deflected because of the blubber. No luck.
But wouldn't it be awesome if there was someone in the Bible who's life had been saved because they were obese? I can see portly pastors world-wide going: "SEE!!!! IT'S RIGHT HERE IN GOD'S WORD!!!! THY BODILY ABUNDANCE SHALL KEEP THEE FROM PERIL. NOW OFF TO THE POTLUCK!"
Turn with me to the book of Second Hesitations, Chapter "whateva". We Read:
And the Spirit of the Lord looked down upon King Pork-loin-io with favor because of his great girth...and he was truly blessed. And the Lord his God multiplied the rolls of his belly a goodly amount. And lo...at the end of his days, the king's chins were as numerous as the stars of the heavens. And they laid him to rest in the land of his fathers; Jimmy Dean, Ronald McDonald, and Marlon Brando.
Amen and Amen.
Based on this concept, I was up all evening pouring over the scriptures desperately to see what positive spiritual attributes I could find there about love handles. I didn't find anything. I kept looking for passages about arrows or spears being deflected because of the blubber. No luck.
But wouldn't it be awesome if there was someone in the Bible who's life had been saved because they were obese? I can see portly pastors world-wide going: "SEE!!!! IT'S RIGHT HERE IN GOD'S WORD!!!! THY BODILY ABUNDANCE SHALL KEEP THEE FROM PERIL. NOW OFF TO THE POTLUCK!"
Turn with me to the book of Second Hesitations, Chapter "whateva". We Read:
And the Spirit of the Lord looked down upon King Pork-loin-io with favor because of his great girth...and he was truly blessed. And the Lord his God multiplied the rolls of his belly a goodly amount. And lo...at the end of his days, the king's chins were as numerous as the stars of the heavens. And they laid him to rest in the land of his fathers; Jimmy Dean, Ronald McDonald, and Marlon Brando.
Amen and Amen.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
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